This is a letter that
one of our client’s family wrote to us recently. We are moved to tears by the
words they shared with us. We are blessed to have been able to meet this family
and hope they are able to heal after the loss of a great woman. No names are
shared to protect the identity of our clients, thank you for understanding.
My mother just needed a little help around the house here and
there. That is how all of this started. We all live out of town and getting
there weekly to check in just wasn’t happening (even though there were 4 of
us!) My siblings and I spoke about getting an agency to stop in and help Mom a
few times a week. After searching on the web, we found a nice-looking agency
and set up a meeting. As the oldest daughter, I flew in to make the
arrangements and meet everyone. Mom wasn’t thrilled with the idea but knew it
made us feel better and agreed. The agency seemed perfect on paper, she would
have someone here 3 times a week for a few hours. They would help her with
meals, picking up the house and just talking with her! The case coordinator was
wonderful and gave us her number to call anytime.
After a month in my
mother asked if we could cancel the service, it was just too sporadic for her.
Sporadic? How could it be sporadic? I called the case coordinator to get a
little information about what was going on. Mom isn’t one to complain so I knew
I would have to do a little digging. I called 3 times and left messages just to
find out that the coordinator was on vacation and would be back in a few weeks.
Now, what do I do? I didn’t have any time off so I asked my younger brother if
he could make a quick visit to Maine and hang out with mom this week just to
see how things go. He was able to and did.
His report was the
following: I think mom would do better with having the same person each week,
she’s met 12 different people this month and must show each of them around
again and again. It's too stressful for her. Maybe you can call the company and
get the same person? It’s just a lot on
a 93-year-old woman. She needs to make a connection with someone.
I was floored! I never
thought to ask if it would be different people each time or if it would be the
same person. I called the companies supervisor and spoke with them about their
consistency. Unfortunately, they have a lot of turnovers and can’t guarantee it
to be the same each day or even week. Frustrated I hit the web again and
started looking for a new agency that could meet the care needs of Mom.
Blessed was the day I
found Private Home Care, Inc. and ya know what stood out? On their website,
they talk about the perfect match for each client and back up staffing that the
client is familiar with. I called right away and met with a few coordinators.
We talked about the things we liked and didn’t like with the current company. I
asked if I could meet the few people who will be working with Mom and they said
YES! A few days later I met 3 wonderful people who would be doing 3hour shifts
with Mom on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Not only did the case coordinator
drop off a monthly schedule to Mom for her fridge but she also emailed me a
copy. The first few months went great, Mom, of course, had to adjust to get
used to having people in her home, but it was easier to do with the same people
each week. On our 4th month in someone was sick and couldn’t make it. The case
coordinator called Mom to let her know that it wouldn’t be her normal Monday
girl but instead her Wednesday girl would do Monday and Wednesday, she was fine
with this! Then she called me to let me know that there was a change. That’s
when I knew I had the right agency for Mom’s care! She came to love her
caregivers and really invested her time with them. My siblings and I were so
grateful to PHCI for the care they were providing and the loving connection
that each caregiver was able to have with Mom.
As time past Mom’s age
caught up with her. She had a few spells that worried us and demanded more care
for her. PHCI met with us about her needs and we made a new care plan. Now Mom
was getting caregivers every day except Sunday and for 10 hours each day. Once
a month the case coordinator would email me an update about how things were
going and if there were any concerns. They have cared for my Mother for over a
year now and we couldn’t be happier.
On a fateful day, my
Mother had a stroke. She was rushed to the hospital and remained there for
several days. Once released from there she went to rehab. Mom hated rehab and
said the only good thing was her PHCI people would visit her there and spend
3-4 hours each day with her. PHCI assured me that she was receiving excellent
care at the rehab facility, but she wanted to be home. I knew my Mom always
wanted to die at home as my Father did. I was able to get up to Maine again and
meet with PHCI’s case coordinator. We met at their office and talked for hours
about what the next steps should be. I found out that the case coordinator had
been visiting my Mom on a weekly basis as well. She trusted her more than
anyone else (besides her children), Mom knew she truly cared and would do
anything she could for her. After hours of talking and looking over tests
result, and rehab reports it became clear that Mom wasn’t going to make it back
to where she needed to be to live alone. Mom wanted to be at home, and she had
made it very clear to everyone. The case coordinator negotiated with Mom on a
few must-haves at home for her to come home. She was able to talk with her as
an equal, she respected her and trusted her. I knew I couldn’t argue anything
with my Mom because she was my Mom.
However, the coordinator could, and did. She agreed to all the coordinator's
terms and we moved her home 3 days later. One of the terms was to get Hospice
care involved as well as adaptive equipment to help Mom to get around easier.
She also needed around the clock care. PHCI was able to provide 24-hour care 7
days a week. Mom didn’t think she needed it but was willing to have it in order
to be home.
Once home Mom eased into
things and slowly went downhill. PHCI was there every day and the coordinator
was sending me and my sibling's daily updates. A few months in she wanted to
have a hospital bed brought into the living room so Mom could watch tv and
still be mobile but easier for everyone else to administer care. I agreed that
a hospital bed made the most sense too and Hospice had one delivered. Soon Mom
wasn’t able to get out of the bed, we had gotten it just in time! I really
think our case coordinator knew she was close to the end before any of us did.
She was so kind and gentle about how she put things. Never say this is it or
pushing the fact that Mom was dying. We all knew it, we didn’t need it pushed
in our face and PHCI knew how to be there and get Mom’s needs meet without
pushing things or being harsh. After a week in bed, Mom started being less and
less alert. Our coordinator suggested we stop by when we could in the next week
and see Mom while she was aware of her surroundings and able to communicate
with us. We all made time to visit Mom the following week. While I was there I
thought we didn’t need overnight care because I was there for her and could
handle anything that may arise. I was wrong. I felt horrible but I called our
case coordinator at 1:15am. She answered and immediately drove the hour to my
Mom’s home. Mom was gasping and there was this horrible gargling noise. The
coordinator comforted me over the phone while she drove, telling me to add a
pillow under her head and shoulders to help her get her air. She told me
everything was going to be ok and that she would be there soon, and she was!
The blessings we received from her over the past years were nothing short of
magnificent, but the care she gave that night to me as well as Mom was a
miracle. Once there our case coordinator smiled, rubbed my shoulder and told me
everything would be ok. She gently suggested I sit in the sitting room and have
a glass of water. While I sat staring at the floor, I could overhear her. She
was talking to Mom as if he could hear everything, she told her what she was
doing and why she was doing it. I looked up, she was brushing her hair back
with her hand as she checked for a fever. She smiled and reminded Mom that she
was there, and she was going to be just fine. She took a phone call that I
later found out was the hospice nurse calling her back. He gave her
instructions to give Mom some medicines from the care package in the fridge.
Thank god she was a CRMA and knew how to do all of this. She gave Mom the
medicine explaining everything each step of the way. Mom would have liked that,
knowing what was going on each step of the way, I like that. Her gentleness
didn’t go unnoticed; it is forever imprinted on my heart. The gurgling slowed
and Mom began to settle. She held Mom’s hand with such love and tenderness, reassuring
her that she was there, and she could go if she needed to. Soon I found my legs
and walked back to the living room. Mom laid there motionless, you could see
her breathing ease. As I looked down, I saw Mom grip the coordinator's hand,
she truly did trust her, she felt safe with her there. She suggested I get some
rest and that she would stay with him for the night. I tossed and turned all
night not knowing what I would wake up to. Finally, the sun rose, and the world
started again. Mom never regained consciousness after the night. All my
siblings had gotten to say their goodbyes and have one last good conversation
with Mom, including me.
PHCI gave us the chance to say goodbye. I stayed for 3 days longer
then I planned to be there. The hospice nurse was coming every day, he was
wonderful too. The nurse explained that these things take time, and Mom would
go when she was ready. Our Case Coordinator stopped by each day as well and
often did shifts with Mom herself. Mom was never alone, the awake overnights
seemed so long but they were always there, the staff always held her hand and
talked to her as of she was wide awake and able to carry on a conversation. My
work called often and I had to head back as much as I hated to. I knew Mom was
in the best care possible. I knew PHCI was the best thing we ever did for her.
I left that Thursday night. My heart ached as I walked out the door, saying
goodbye for the last time. The next night while our case coordinator was doing
a shift with Mom she passed away. She was comfortable, at ease and with her
favorite caregiver. She called each of us, gently speaking to us for as long as
each of us needed. She was there for my Mom and now she was there for each of
us. I don’t know if Mom was waiting for us all to be home with our families or
if she just decided she had done everything she needed to do; but I do know she
felt loved and comforted every single day with Private Home Care, Inc was
there.
Words can’t explain how
blessed we feel to have had PHCI there for us when we needed them most. The
care that the staff and especially the case coordinators gave my family was
nothing short of extraordinary! Every year as spring starts, I think about my
Mothers passing and the way PHCI cared for her.
This spring marks our 3rd year
without Mom, I think of her often but this year with the snow coming and going
as it did 3 years ago, I can’t help but feel compelled to write everything down
for other to know how amazing this team of caregivers is. From our simple
companionship needs to our end of life needs they were always there. Every step
of the way they helped us as a family. Private Home Care, Inc. isn’t just
another care agency, they are THE care agency. We never would have made it
through without them, Mom never would have been able to die at home the ways
she wanted to without them. With all our love, we thank them.
We hope our story helps others to make the best choice for their
family. . .
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