Elder Abuse is so much more than physical!
I work for Private Home Care, Inc. a small privately, owned company in Maine that coordinates and schedules care for elderly who need assistance in-order to maintain their independence in their home.
Through my employment I attended a workshop on Elder Abuse Awareness and have read several articles on Elder Abuse/Neglect. I have also been made aware of Elder Abuse and Neglect that involved previous clients.
You sometimes see things on the news re: the elderly being physically abused or taken advantage of. Sometimes it may be a story of medical or nutritional neglect. These stories sadden most, even disgust those hearing of such occurrences but usually hard to imagine.
I was one of those who found it hard to imagine until I found myself directly effected by such a story. I lost my mother-in-law to cancer 3 years ago which left her saddened, heart-broken husband “Mike" alone. They had lived away and Mike was hell-bent on staying in their home. There was local family and a close friend across the street, all of which visited and checked in on Mike regularly. Groceries, doctor appointments, meals etc. Mike was excellent in keeping track of his finances, paying his bills promptly but needing assistance in actually writing checks w/ account numbers for his signature. That became a weekly task of family to help.
We called Mike daily and made the 9 hour drive for visits on a regular basis. We spoke to Mike about the possibility of his moving to Maine and living with us. I explained the floor plan of our home and his having his own space. He continued to politely decline our offers “not now, I want to stay in my house”.
Approximately 18 months after my mother-in-law passed, Mike met a woman at the grocery store. She seemed to be significantly younger than Mike and visited his home on a regular basis but never when we were visiting. Suddenly his charge card balances began to climb and cash withdrawals were posted on his bank statements. Mike began to push family members & the neighbor away. When questioned about his relationship with this woman and his decreasing finances, he’d referred to her as “my girlfriend”. When asked straight out if he was giving her money, he’d say “sometimes I loan her a few dollars”.
After about a year of spending time with her, spending money on her, and no longer having contact with any family members the neighbor reached out to him. He admitted he needed help with his mail and his bills and told her he was confused. The neighbor went through his mail with him and tried to make sense of his bills and bank statements. She found past due car insurance bills, delinquent house hold bills, letters regarding missed Doctor visits, and medication renewals that had not been filled. The neighbor called my husband immediately to let him know the chaos she had found. My husband then called Mike who said “I think I need help, I’m in trouble”. My husband and I were packed, and on the road the following morning to try to lend a hand.
To make a very long, very involved story as short as possible: We found 4 credit cards fully maxed that Mike was unaware of, we found three cars registered and insured to Mike, only one of which was in his driveway that he used regularly. Thousands of dollars in cash no longer in his safety deposit box, and a checking account balance of $300.00 that eighteen months ago was close to $4000.00. We also found a life insurance policy cancellation notice due to premiums not being paid. Mike was in debt that reached an excess of $30,000.
After calling the Elder Abuse Hotline, made a call to the police, reported two cars stolen, closed bank accounts and cancelled ALL credit cards, we were able to do nothing! Mike defends the theft “she needed to borrow money” “she has no cars” “I don’t want my girlfriend in trouble” Essentially what this meant was Mike had no recourse – He was stuck! The women was spoken to by the police, the cars surrendered & sold, but without Mike pressing charges there was nothing more that could be done to try to hold this women accountable.
My husband with Mike’s permission put Mike’s house on the market. When the house sells Mike can be free of debt and free to either move into assisted living in his current state or move and live with my husband and I in Maine. He isn’t thrilled with his options but understands & agrees he needs not to be living alone.
There has been a recent Doctor appointment, medications changed, & a diagnosis of Dementia received! The house continues to be on the market. My husband calls Mike every morning to remind him to take his medications and calls each evening to see how his day went. Mike has made no complaints but truly doesn’t understand what his women has done to him.
If this isn’t a significant example of Elder abuse then what is? In this situation the Adult Protective Laws couldn’t protect Mike. Maybe the laws need to be reviewed and addendum's made.
Since the initial writing of this blog, Mike has given “Power of Attorney” to my husband. The decision of where Mike will live once the house sells continues to haunt us.
Lisa Baker 9/9/19
To Learn More About Elder Resources in Maine visit the Maine Council for Elder Abuse Prevention.
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